To The Other Side of Dreaming

i carry you with me

dear mia,

my mind has been on what it will take to rebuild our relationship in this new year we have been blessed with. i know there are the pieces around changing behavior, but there is also the need to show you care, to say “i love you”. consistently.

i love you. 

when things are rough between us, my instinct is to shrink, to stay out of your way. it’s hard for me to grasp that you want/need the opposite - that in the course of this last year, you could actually believe that i don’t love you. i want to work harder at loving you. maybe trust between us will never be what it was, but i want to fight like hell for it. i want to be able to say i did my best, and i want you to believe i did, too. 

over this next course of time, i will be spending intentional time doing something in thought of you every day. some days it will be just a text. some days it may be a letter. i am hoping that other days can be trike rides together, getting treats at the neighborhood coffee shop, surprises, game nights, etc.  it is my hope that this can be a bridge toward a better place. 

it’s strange, but all kinds of stuff come up for me in showing love. fear of rejection and not being wanted overrides the system. micah, hel, and acca have offered support in facing these things in my loving of you.

the first thing i wanted to share with you is a tumblr account i will be posting to everyday.  this tumblr will be just for you. it will be public. it, among other things, will be a daily practice of intention and care. i will be posting things i wish you could see, things that remind me of you, things i want you to know. i will also still be writing at To the Other Side of Dreaming every tuesday evening. 

for tumblr friends who follow us online, i hope you will follow formia.tumblr.com and share it with your folks.

excited for possibility.  

i love you.  

stacey

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