To The Other Side of Dreaming

dangerous (please remind me why we are doing this)

dear mia, 

we have the audacity (or irresponsibility?) to say publicly that we are choosing to create a home where our access depends on each other.  we will not be able to just walk out on another if we get mad. you will need the money i bring home. i will need your physical help and connections to community. we are letting ourselves need each other in a world where disabled people experience the brunt of manipulation, abuse, isolation, violence, shaming, guilt, blame and control on a daily basis because they need another person to meet their access needs.

most people, my age, with my disability live in an institution, nursing home, group home, or under state guardianship. very few of my other disabled friends really have the resources or self-determination needed to cross state lines.

here i am leaving a state where I receive 12 hours of private duty nursing to a state where the budget is collapsing on top of disabled people.

california or bust, right? 

my family (who is so supportive and great) keeps trying to convince me out of this — they tell me you will leave me, that i do not have any support system out there, and that i don’t know how i am going to access state services. my dad comes home from work everyday and reads me facts about cities i’ve mentioned loving (jackson ms, detroit, new orleans, atlanta) because hell, they are some kinda closer than california. my sister says if i come to chapel hill instead, she will help me. another friend says that about DC. “i get that you have to move out of your parents’ house, but really— moving across the country when you’ve never even lived alone?” 

i believe in the possibility of our move. I believe in community and our creative crip powers to make things work.  I am dreaming of us and home, but damn, how did we even get to this place of thinking this might be possible? 

stacey

4 notes