Mia Mingus and Stacey Milbern are two queer disabled diasporic Korean women of color in the process moving from the South to the Bay to create home and community with each other.
This tumblr documents their journey. For more info about Mia, visit her blog at as who we are
Dear Mia,
This week I was asked what it would take to fully be in this accountability process with you, to open myself to be transformed by it. I am thankful for people to hold this with me and thankful for an opportunity to be accountable for my impact, but I am also scared, terrified, and feeling sometimes so unready. The accountability process is not only about acknowledging and stopping harm, but also about asking why: why did this happen? What is standing in the way of being who I want to be? What needs to be done?
And of course, then doing it.
This week in the accountability process space, we talked about meeting people where they/we are at. It was a conversation that brought me a lot of relief. I have spent the year living here in the Bay Area yelling at myself for what I call “rookie mistakes”. I get disappointed in myself for not having more life experience. I’m realizing that where I am is where I am and I can’t develop exponentially just because I want to. It doesn’t mean that it’s okay to cause harm for other people, but it means that we can talk about how we can be accountable where we are, as who we are. This has been a huge shift in thinking: I do not have to be older, more developed to be accountable. Anyone can and should be accountable. I don’t have to grow into a different person (e.g. in this case, someone who has more life experience) to do right.
Accountability is something I can work towards and reach as who I am.
Love,
Stacey
